The Life & Times

Eden East or Eden West

2010-03-18T22:42:36Z

...Dedicated to Amanda Rappaport...

Masi: Many people live their lives moving from one partner to the next, wearing their heart on their sleeve, attached by the hip to their significant other. Another percentage of the population live lives of seclusion, drawing a distinct line between intimacy and relationship, and shielding their feelings from the world to protect themselves from disappointment and/or embarrassment. Yet people from both ends of the spectrum often find themselves curiously wondering just how green the grass truly is on the other side of the fence. What is wrong with these people? Who wants to spend their life fated to always be searching for a compatible partner, or living in an ever-growing shadow of distrust and skepticism? Regardless, the question still remains… is it worth hopping that fence?

Let's play a game where we weigh out the perks each lifestyle has to offer for different facets of life. We’ll call it, for lack of a less original name, Single VS Relationship.

*note: these are my opinions and reasoning, which may vary greatly through others due to personal preference and experience.

Time - This is the most obvious trade-off. A serious relationship can easily fill up a healthy percentage of your day, and for those who don't manage their time well, it may often deteriorate relationships outside of your close friends and nuclear family. In the absence of a serious relationship, you may choose to divvy that time between your friends, jobs, hobbies and even vices.

- Single gets the check here. Despite my inability to walk and chew gum, I can certainly delegate my attention to everyone efficiently when in a relationship. However, that doesn’t mean it isn’t arduous, and rekindling with those who do slip away has proven more awkward and painstaking than fun. Besides, I need time dedicated to video games, alcohol and strip clubs (MY three vices), just like most other people require their own personal release(s).

Sex - Or as I put it; the white sticky glue that holds relationships together. In a relationship there is little guessing with your partner, you know exactly what buttons to press to turn them off and get them off, as they know this about you. You'll know exactly where to find them, how to approach them and, most importantly, where they've been before you. Frequency does vary, yet is more-or-less consistent. Conversely, living the single lifestyle, you have the moral freedom to be as promiscuous as you choose. And the difficulty of “pulling” is even seen as a rush to people, and in some cases considered an art.

- Relationship wins. As exhilarating as random hookups are made out to be, they often require a certain situational awareness that not many people have, which can only be substituted with alcohol and a good wingman. And alcohol, along with the nimiety of subconscious moral dilemmas on loop in the back of your head, sometimes induces performance anxiety (which is the proper term for whiskey-dick). Plus if I had to get drunk and spend money every time I wanted to get my rocks off I’d be diagnosed with liver cirrhosis by the age of 26 and have no way to pay for treatment. This brings me to my next aspect…

Money - If you bring home a paycheck significantly larger than your partner’s, odds are you’re going to be bearing the brunt of the fiscal burden. Obviously this could work in your favor, considering the amount of money you spend on your relationship is inversely related to how much your partner dishes out. On the other hand, being single implies you pay for 100% of what you purchase.

- Single adds another notch here. 100% of what I purchase is still far less than if I were to shell out a meager 10% of the dough spent in an average relationship. And even the thriftiest of couples can put a significant monetary value on maintaining their mutual affinity. Also, in some cases, the burden of debt may catalyze spending! I’ll prove this theoretically if I may…

I see this happen amongst my close friends and roommates all the time. All it takes is one person to pick up a bill, and everyone feels obliged to go out to eat the next day to return the favor. After it’s all said and done, you paid once for two people and received two dinners. Sounds fair, however normally you wouldn’t have went out to eat twice in two nights to begin with. And it usually never works out so this is settled in two meals, there are other variables that keep this ritual afloat, but for the sake of not boring you to death with economic theory I’m going to stop here. All in all, when you’re single you have more money to allocate elsewhere.

Sleep – The cousin of death. Although this is the cool cousin, not the dick cousin that used to wreck havoc and blame everything on you as a kid. Sleep, although he’s not always Mr. punctual, is a necessity (unless you’re this dude), and even the heaviest of sleepers can have issues sharing a bed with their partner. Single people don’t have to deal with issues of insufficient bed space, loud snoring, gas, cuddling, body heat, lack of covers and unnecessary alarms.

- This may seem controversial (coming from the kid with two beds and the ability to sleep through the Armageddon) but I’m going to throw relationships a bone here. I know sleeping with someone can seem vexatious at times, believe me. I’ve had my share of dead arms, witnessed night terrors, asphyxiation via cuddling, waking up freezing with no sheets, sleep elbows to the face, etc. But it certainly does not outweigh the security and assurance you gain from having your partner sleep next to you. Sometimes waking up next to someone is the only good thing you have to look forward to the following day, even if it is their unkempt, naked, gaseous, groggy self.

So far, with each category not being weighted, we have a tie. For the tie breaker you will conduct a short evaluation of your current life situation. Use your age, gender, location, personality, stature, confidence, race and/or socioeconomic status to write a few sentences about yourself and then decide if a relationship suits your present status. For instance, I am a 5’11’’ 200lb male with athletic build. I’m an extrovert living in a college city with a twenty thousand person turnover ratio of kids approximately my age and even more opportunities to meet them. I have no problem making friends… even with my ridiculous hair. Does it sound like I can use a relationship? Well, maybe so I get a haircut.

The point I’m trying to get at is, I can’t tell you what’s best for you. And honestly, I’m all too familiar with people not listening when I do. You know yourself better than anyone; use my aforementioned points and your evaluation to conclude which lifestyle suits you best. Also ask yourself a few questions. Can you honestly tolerate another person’s imperfections at the moment, or do you have little room for such impediments such as jealousy, anxiety and compromising? Do you use continuous boyfriends as a crutch for your lacking self confidence and insecurities? Have you ever had a serious relationship!?

Break down your walls people, or build some.

"To learn one’s heart, one must walk it, but only when open and vulnerable may ones heart be walked."

Just don't break my toe again.

2010-03-01T07:14:23Z

Masi: I've fallen in love with Orlando ever since I moved here. However, recently I feel like I've overstayed my welcome. Usually I try to avoid going home at all costs and make excuses to stay for breaks and holidays. Now I can't wait to embark to another city and start a clean slate. I'm sure a lot of this feeling emanates from my current grad school status and my sedentary mental state (It's been months since I've even written... my name, the date, a random word, anything!).

So all that being said... I'm going back to Boca. Well, for as long as I can stand it anyway. I have no current business here, so either I stay down south or it reminds me of the superior quality of life I'm missing out on and I leave.

I spoke to Cristin Hebert, a very close friend of mine from back in the day, and she's moved back home too. I've missed her a lot and I'm genuinely excited to see her. Together we'll attempt to re-create the old high school days that I lately can't stop reminiscing about.

"Where can I find the gun show? ...shit, thats deep."

2010-02-28T06:04:37Z

Masi: Throughout my college regime I always particularly struggled with finding an impetus to drive me and make me strive to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter and, well... wealthy. My largest struggle with ambition could be seen in my relationship with exercise. I love it, simply put (considering your connotation of the L word is simple). However, before college, I've always had the competitive aspect of a particular sport to guide me. Whether it were football, basketball or wrestling, I knew I could better myself off the field, court or mat to aid my team. I've tried to fill that void with intramural sports but it's just not the same. I feel as if every workout lacks purpose, and without direction, each session mutates into a boring, mind numbing, nuisance that I see most other people suffer from everyday. I used to never feel obliged to work out...

This is a bigger problem than it seems because detoxing from any endorphin releasing experience is no fun. I've come to the conclusion that I don't benefit from the short term visible effects. I see change in body shape and stature as a scale of progress, not a laundry list of quirks and imperfections that, when resolved, will "make girls like me" (initial attraction, as I see it anyway, is 75% swagger, 20% pheromones and 5% looks). So if I don't get a kick out of looking good, what other amenities can I sift through? Here is where YOU, my barren live journal audience consisting of a few occasional disquisitive ex-girlfriends, are going to help me. I'm going to pretend for a moment I have at least one avid reader who's just as interested in the ensuing experiment as I am. For sake of routine, my health, and pretty much my entire social life, I'm going to log my workouts BEFORE I do them. I may not be a man of regimen, but I am a man of pride. I will keep my word, starting with this one...

Sunday, February 28th 1am - Beginning upper body circuit.

and followed by...

Sunday February 28th 12:30pm - Continuing upper body circuit.

Huh??

2010-02-22T02:33:58Z

Masi: Guilt is an uncanny emotion. I feel it should be compartmentalized into two categories; potential and kinetic. Take a cheating lover for example, while the relationship is intact and the moment of weakness occurs, the cheater feels an initial burden of guilt. Considering most infidelity is at least a few minutes premeditated, we can assume that potential guilt builds during this phase and turns kinetic when the deed is done. However, as the person manages their guilt the weight slowly lifts off his/her shoulders and becomes potential once more. The next trigger doesn't seem occur at the next act of betrayal, instead guilt rears its ugly head when their significant other finds out.

Maybe this remorseful awareness only occurs when the victim is still innocent, and instead of it being guilt that people feel, it's a mix of pity and helplessness.

Hmmm, that's a good question, "Can people feel guilt even after proven guilty?"

I need to get into the boob naming business

2010-02-04T17:29:02Z

Masi: Seriously, I have a whole method and everything.

As you may know, males love to name their inanimate possessions (cars, skateboards, gaming consoles and handles, and even their own privates). I could name a few reasons why, but that would be avoiding the premise of this post. The point is; I want to be vanguard of a movement where females develop the same respect and sentiment for their worldly possessions and assets by giving them names, and perhaps, personifying them. And what better place to start than with what all females have? Those lovely, fluctuating, attention corralling, lipid layered, nuisances we often call Boobs! Any female who would like to partake in the fun, just follow this easy three step process.

Step 1: It is generally important to create a specific yet unique euphemism to refer to your bosom at all times. Think of said title as a team name. After all, your breasts work in tandem to attract males and other females, why not label them as a group before identifying them individually. The following are a list of euphemisms off the top of my head:

Milk Missles
Tittens
Blouse Bunnies
Pontoon Pendulum
Busty Bumpers
Ear Muffs
Dueling Bongos
Fun Bags
Hefty Honkers
Hoo-Ha Hood Ornaments
Jumbo Love Muffins
Melons of Mass Seduction
Mammary Fountains
Hot Sweater Tamales
Sweater Midgets
Thingamajugs
Sin Cushions
Perky Patoons
Boyz 2 Men
Love Bayonets
meat-seeking guided muscles.

Step 2: This part gets a bit tricky. While it's fun to embellish the size and stature of your chesticles using whimsical euphemisms, your breasts individual names must closely relate to their appearance or indirectly relate to your personality. Here are a few examples...

If your breasts are obviously fake, you could name them "Bought" and "Paid-for".
If your breasts get around a lot, you could name them "Bill" and "Ted", playing on their many excellent adventures.
If your breasts are sweet and sumptuous try, "Ben" and "Jerry". (you could also play off their slogan, "Be One in a Million")
If your breasts are exceptionally massive, you can name them "Appendage 5" and "Appendage 6", implying they are so large they are between the naming process and having their own person-hood.
If your breasts are often used as ice breakers try, "Rock" and "Hard Place" leaving a multitude of witty replies and comebacks.
If you would enjoy a more lascivious theme, you could name them "Dinner" and "Dessert".
Or you could always employ a movie theme, "Thing 1" and "Thing 2", "Bambi" and "Thumper", etc.

Step 3: Get the opinion and advice of an expert! Take a picture of the girls and send it to me in an e-mail including your name choices for the first two steps. I'll make the minor tweaks where I deem it necessary :-)

-shrug- It's worth a shot.

There are few things funnier than another males bowels.

2010-01-27T17:19:04Z

Bryan: Yo. I need a favor from you.
Masi: Whats up?
Bryan: I've been stuck in the bathroom shitting out water since 9 this morning... there's a bottle of Pepto Bismol on Chise's counter... how do we go about this?
Masi: LMAO
Bryan: Bro, I'm feeling shitty, no pun intended.
Mike: Hahahahahahaha
Bryan: Stop fuckin laughing and help me get that sweet pink nectar! I just shit out the Hudson River!

The Worst Feeling in the World is when...

2010-01-26T17:55:04Z

Masi: Besides the obvious immediate answers anyone might think of (i.e. helplessness, guilt, depression, loneliness, heartache, losing someone close to you and being stabbed) what is the worst feeling in the world to you?

I have four answers, in no particular order, inspired by a recent facebook conversation with Hamon:

1. The exact moment of a conversation where you realize you're wrong.

I'm never wrong, so obviously this shared feeling wasn't mine. But I can imagine how terrible it could be, especially if you've been adamant about defending yourself.

2. When you receive a gift and don't have one to give back or vice-versa?

Not only a terrible feeling but an awkward situation. This is simply one of the 5498796 reasons I hate Christmas, but we don't need to get into that again, do we?

3. Getting rivered in Texas Hold'em for 5K. [replace number with whatever large quantity works for you]

Now I'm not a big gambler, but I've seen people lose a lot of money and I've seen what it does to them. The initial feeling must be the pitts, especially if you've been there before and know whats in store for you.

4. Chronic explosive diarrhea synced with viscous projectile vomit. (seriously, I should have a specific font for graphic material)

I've had both of these and neither are fun. Fortunately for me, I've only heard stories of these symptoms occurring in tandem. That's really gotta fuck up the whole pressure scheme in your body... or, at the very least, kick you off your equilibrium for a day or two.

Finally my default is semi-appropriate for the entry.

2010-01-25T15:47:25Z

Masi: So I've been entertaining the idea of obtaining a decent job for the time I'll be wasting up here in Orlando (Which may be longer than I thought since I keep getting screwed with this grad school crap). The only problem is anything up my alley of expertise is either a gym, which is shiesty and pays minimum wage, and a PT office/hospital, which pays nothing!

I've always been envious of people working in the food industry as waiters and bartenders... it's a social environment, small flexible shifts, fairly simple, and they make decent money to boot. So why not? Well I've been skeptical to say the least because everyone with experience tells me "It's harder than it looks" and "It gets annoying real quick." I still don't see the terrible trade-off here.

To be honest, my biggest concern was turning into the stereotypical waiter. I'm extremely low maintenance, that being said, I can see myself being content with a decent influx of dough, free or discounted food, and a crew to enjoy the nightlife with using my readily expendable tip money. Having no incentive to continue my career could turn a waiting job into a perpetual abyss that I've seen too many people fall head first into already.

Well I've recognized the problem, that's a good sign of me maturing. But I'm still young and careless enough to believe that I'm invincible, I'll never tear a knee ligament, I'll never have to knock on wood, and most importantly, everything will end up working itself out eventually. So...

I'm applying to Houlihans on Wednesday.

"If you don't know where you're going, any road can take you there."

New Years Eve

2009-12-31T16:52:04Z

Masi: Amidst the swaths of issues that I take up with the "Holiday Season" is one day... one night, which contravenes every end-of-the-year holiday bashing rant I have ever spoke. It is a night where most peoples biggest care is having someone to kiss at midnight. It is a night where you can party in two different years and distinguish them by more than just a date, but by ushering in an epoch of smoke-free lungs, good behavior, and better marks on your report card. It is a night where people resolve to lead a more unadulterated lifestyle, yet before the night is over, violate their standards quicker than they can lower them. It is a night where people celebrate a rebirth of the rest of their lives. It is an excuse for drinking, head and shoulders above the rest, called New Years Eve and it is my happy ending to the interim of cold weather, holiday spirit, near-perennial loop of the same 15 god damn Christmas songs, Bills not making it to the playoffs, fucking horse shit, dubbed... winter break.

So cheers to you, December 31st... and thank you for providing me with the serendipity of making each succeeding holiday even more epic than the last.

I wish everyone a drunken, yet ultimately, safe, New Years Eve.

Good advice

2009-12-23T02:35:25Z

A man will treat you according to what he sees you'll allow. What you need to understand is that it is never too late or too early to change; even if you've been mistreated, you can still do something about it.
Masi: Good advice is hard to come by these days. The constant altering of denotations nowadays often distort an individuals true perspective and message. Even though this particular batch of wisdom doesn't pertain to me at all, I'm going to post it anyway.

"Trust me, ladies, I understand that you're human and in need of affection and intimacy. But what I also understand is that in this sexually adventurous age, we spend most of our sexual life on people who do not truly love us. The act of loving is so much deeper than most of us realize or ever experience. It is not just an emotion but also a way of being. It is a decision, a vow. If you don't make a decision about the value you place on yourself and your emotions, you can and probably will be violated somehow. I'm not trying to make it sound like you're the reason for the bad behavior of the men in your life. That is certainly not true. Some people just aren't good people, no matter what you do or who you are. But if you pay attention and are thinking clearly, you'll be able to spot a person like this a mile away. If you are not so desperate, so lacking in self-confidence, empowerment, and worth, then you should be able to sift through the men who do not mean you well. Even the most duplicitous people cannot hide their intentions for long. There are always some indications, if your awareness is heightened. It's up to you to vet the men who come into your life. Don't be afraid to ask honest questions. If he runs off as a result of being interrogated, then he probably has something to hide. Ask about his past relationships. Pay close attention to how he deals with his mother, sisters, ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, and his children. Does he keep his word? What kind of reputation does he have? All these things speak to the character of an individual. Make sure your eyes are open. Heed all the signs. So many of us carry youthful gullibility into adulthood, leaving room for gross misjudgments and titanic mistakes that can easily set us back years."

The M.I.K.E. System

2009-12-02T19:19:40Z

Masi: Inspired by an episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" I have come up with a four step, fool-proof, comprehensive approach to seduction that I have perfected in my head over the past five minutes. First, lets take a look at Dennis' system.

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System:
D - Demonstrate your value
E - Engage physically
N - Nurturing dependence
N - Neglect emotionally
I - Inspire hope
S - Separate entirely

This approach is funny on its own when presented to the audience due to great acting and hilarious situations, however, I had to pause the show and consult my roommate to truly establish the thin film of ingenious layering this whole method. This plan can really work and not necessarily be restricted to specific settings.

I enjoy when things make sense. I also enjoy when things are simple. Those two statements being said, I thoroughly enjoy when more convoluted principals and variables (like physics and women) are broken down to a specific art or science. Hence my interest in this particular episode and the creation of... the M.I.K.E. system.

Step 1: Manufacture a facade. Determine what you've gathered to be a females perception of a perfect boyfriend. When all else fails, just think stereotypical. Storybook relationships often include a male to be caring, compassionate, selfless, trusting, faithful, honest, sincere, deep and devoted (yeah, women want a lot, and that's not including physical features).

Step 2: Illustrate your value. You may think developing the aforementioned characteristics would take a lifetime, and you may be right, but portraying and actually possessing are two separate concepts. This image can be easily rendered through validating a series of expressed and implied attributes. Signify your tacit romanticism through kind gestures and body language (open doors for her, offer her gum and make her feel comfortable). These courtesies will imply a chivalrous and considerate lover.

Since females confide in words exceptionally, through an everyday one-on-one colloquy you may show your expressed attributes. This is where lying and/or lying by omission for the sake of your facade come in handy. When appropriate in conversation, make up stories about the romantic escapades you lead in previous relationships, entrust her with a made up half embarrassing secret about yourself and relate to her as much as possible of course leaving a complimenting contrast to show your uniqueness and individuality.

I guess if you really want to raise the bar... fake a phone conversation with a crippled, dying, grandmother.

Step 3: Kindle hopes. At this point she believes there is a mutual feeling and therefor accepts any meager attempts of thoughtfulness as a bout of attention. Display an amalgam of small cards, whimsical trinkets, baubles, text messages and surprises all whilst keeping an aesthetic distance. Some may go as far as dropping the "L-bomb". In less than a weeks time, you should be ready to transition to the next and final step.

Step 4: Elicit sexual behavior. Of course, sanction an appropriate time and place and the rest is downhill. From here you can do as you wish. Continue for as long as you can keep said facade or develop and exit strategy to avoid having your true intentions compromised.

There you have it; the M.I.K.E. system.

M - Manufacture a facade
I - Illustrate your substance
K - Kindle hopes
E - Elicit sexual behavior

*Note that this "fool-proof" method has not been personally tested and scrutinized but rather conjured from 3rd hand observations and assessments. My morals simply won't let me partake in such behavior, but if you're not above lying and maliciously conniving, by all means, use my method.

ese_2 @ 2009-11-07T01:43:00

2009-11-07T07:05:04Z

Masi: So what started out as a joke is actually going to become a long term goal for me. I'm going to hold a girlfriend camp, if you will. I will teach, train and acclimate females to an appropriate lifestyle of an acceptable girlfriend.

Seriously, think about how hard it is to find depth in a woman? Usually where a female is profuse in one area of attraction, she lacks in another. However, after training, all females will be multifaceted and versatile. They will be entrenched with confidence as we discharge the shortcomings that used to hinder their social lifestyle.

Amongst the laundry list of quirks that I'll be aiming to expel are:

Social misques
Hiding behind a visage
Unrealistic expectations
Rashness in arguments
Overthinking
Assuming the worst
and
Insecurities in general

This by no means is an attempt to create a mold of my image of "perfect". Even though that wouldn't be much to ask for, it is not my intent. I'm simply providing a resource for females to utilize at their own will in an attempt to become a better suited.

Only the question remains; do I want to make the world a better place, or do I enjoy living as a male chauvinist amongst a sea of inferior, easily minipulated, insecure and socially retarded women, just too darn much?

How I handle a first date.

2009-11-07T06:43:21Z

Masi: Things I do prior to a first date depends greatly on where the date is and who I'm going with. First dates are not as cracked up as they are made to be. If coordinated correctly, it will be in a neutral/public setting with a set start and end time. For instance, a movie or the food court at the mall, both have predetermined end times yet can be extended to your liking. But ultimately, its nothing romantic and does not require much thought or preparation.

The short checklist I do evaluate before I embark would include, money (both cash and credit), gum and a sweater/jacket. Money is good to have on you just in case you decide to pay for her (that's when WHO you are dating comes into play). Gum is more than just a nice gesture, as it is a life savor after eating movie/mall food (popcorn, garlic bread, imitation Chinese food, pizza etc.) And finally, the jacket isn't for you. Females, especially in south Florida, like to wear as little as possible and flaunt their assets so when she inevitably gets cold you simply offer her one of your layers, or share it like a blanket.

Finally, I try not to put on a facade. I may appear a bit more smooth and prepared than I am most of the time, but I don't typically dress up or pretend I like everything she likes because these are things I certainly couldn't withstand throughout the tenure of the potential relationship. Being yourself is important, and taking into consideration that this person may be leading you astray with who they really are is equally as important. Because no matter who this person is, it is ESSENTIAL to not have the perspective that you are working your way up a ladder for her approval. In other words; "Don't put the pussy on a pedestal."

Rendered Speechless from a 16 year old Asian...

2009-09-10T18:27:54Z

Random interesting conversation with a teenager from Japan... don't ask, I was playing a video game.

To [mina]: I have an idea there is a god... but If I have to put money on it , I would bet against it.
<0:8>From [Mina] : That is defined as "Agnostic Atheist". A person who thinks there may be a god but lives their life under the assumption there isn't.
To [mina]: There is a category for everyone nowadays.
<0:9>From [Mina] : If there is a God, my goodness will I be in the Darkest layers of his personal torture chamber
To [mina]: Considering said god is merciless.
<0:10>From [Mina] : He's either merciless or impotent
To [mina]: Haha, that's interesting.
To [mina]: So if there were a God, he would be cruel and punishing?
<0:11>From [Mina] : or genuinely Benevolent but unable to help
<0:12>From [Mina] : Well technically
<0:12>From [Mina] : the world isn't that cruel
To [mina]: How do you figure that he would be one or the other?
<0:13>From [Mina] : I wouldn't curse a God who allowed every law of physics, every law of nature, every logical cause-effect step to occur... it would be the same as there being no God
<0:13>From [Mina] : so, that kind of God is possible, but, it holds even less importance than one man.
To [mina]: I don't think the study of religion is focusing on the importance of God, that is more of a succeeding question after "Does he exist?"
To [mina]: So all in all, it would be useful to know there is a god, even if he is just an indifferent creator.
To [mina]: Well, useful for the people searching, at least.
<0:17>From [Mina] : comfortable may be a better term
<0:18>From [Mina] : belief in anything has that chance for dogma
<0:18>From [Mina] : And dogma stifles western culture like a brick on a bird

Signed, "The Away-message King"

2009-08-25T20:08:44Z

Masi: Twitter is a great idea, but should be reserved for famous people with a sense of humor.

So females and Insects have something in common...

2009-08-25T03:39:21Z

Masi: I heard a rumor about my ex a few months back and it was further reinforced last night. I still don't know what exactly the deal is but I still hope she's alright. I have zero business in this matter anyway.

On a lighter note, I found out that there are a such thing as oviparous insects! Yeah... I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me this afternoon, but a bug on my windshield was giving birth! Of course I hit the wipers and ended the life of what I thought was some freak insect of nature that should never be allowed to procreate.

According to this article I found, "We now know that some lay larvae and a few species actually give birth to small adult insects." There's more but my computer is not allowing me to copy and paste, so read up on it yourselves.

Happiness has a Monetary Value

2009-08-22T19:09:13Z

Masi: Can money really buy happiness? I've heard all the arguments and I'm here to settle this once and for all.

The truth is, the answer is not as dichotomous as everyone says.

I consider myself not to be as materialistic as the next guy. My clothes are either hand-me-downs or free, my cell phone and computer are from circa 1990, I own not one piece of jewlery or colored ink stain on my body, and my car is falling apart as we speak. However, money can easily fix or replace the nimiety of nuisances that my clothes or technology impedes me with on a day-to-day basis. Would that make me happy? Of course! Is it a necessity? Not at all. Because happiness can be obtained a remainder of other ways. For instance, working out and maintaining my body is one way I keep myself content.

Some people may find it harder to be content with themselves or their current situation. In which case they may have to purchase their happiness. The only problem is; procured sanctity is short lived and there is only so much one may obtain. Also, you may habituate yourself to become happy only when you acquire something.

Either be happy or always wanting.

Don't hold your breath but...

2009-08-21T01:03:01Z

Masi: If I ever win the lotto, chances are, you'll benefit too.

There would be a few major changes in my life besides the obvious immediate vacation to Vegas. For one, I wouldn't work, and I'll be damned if I do... well technically I don't work right now either so never mind that. Secondly, I would fix up the old Pub and purchase a liquor license to put every other local bar to shame around the UCF area. And lastly, I'm not gonna front, I would immediately discontinue schooling. I don't care if I graduated tomorrow, If I won the lotto tonight, you better believe I ain't walking. Not because I hate school (cause I don't), it would be out of pure carelessness and apathy.

That's honestly it. I would most likely still drive my Chevy, still live in the same apartment, and still eat frozen vegetables, rice, beans, canned food and any other cheap substitute for food you could possibly think of. Granted I don't have any financial advisers, the money I receive would most likely be poorly allocated and haphazardly disbursed. Knowing this about myself, I would delegate funds to friends and family just in case I decide to risk everything in a high stakes poker game or a drunken bet with someone more wealthy than me. And speaking of being drunk, that would be the case probably 70% of the time. I would have a lifetime supply of liquor stored away somewhere easily accessible. I would create a weekly holiday, recognized amongst my group of friends, similar to Coors night, dedicated to buying several bottles at a liquor store of something we've never had before.

All in all, winning the lottery would be bad for the soul. I would have zero ambition to learn or make money, so my vocabulary would slowly diminish and my work ethic would plummet. Not to mention the physical toll it would take on my body staying up till god-knows-when drinking till I can't feel my face. And I'm pretty sure, when its all said and done, no matter how low-maintenance I think I am, I'll run out of dough by the time I'm 45. However, it would be worth every minute, even if it means me being dead broke and begging afterward.

I'd be a good friend to have while it lasts, but...

...here's three reasons why you shouldn't hold your breath:

The odds - Against me to say the least.
Not a gambler - Once I made $20 on a cruise playing back jack and I never stepped foot into the casino again.
Luck - The most money I've ever found on the floor was 5 bucks... and I'm pretty sure it was mine.

How would you spend your money?

I hate computers.

2009-06-28T00:35:55Z

Masi: My roommate makes some pretty bold statements in the time he spends talking. But for someone who's not a profit, he gets a good percentage of them right. The other day he made this claim; "Mike Masi, you are going to be killed by a robot." Should I be scared? ...Yes. But is this something I wouldn't have guessed myself? No! It's just scary now that other people see it coming.

More Chemistry in my Life

2009-04-23T00:50:29Z

Teacher: Sign up for my class and I'll give you an A.
Masi: Iunno man its a far drive for me.
Teacher: I'll tell you what, you don't even have to show up.
Masi: Can I randomly come in dressed as a superhero and ask irrelevant questions about the Spanish Armada?
Teacher: ...yes.
Masi: Okay I'm in.

Chise: Yo do you know anything about Chemistry?
Masi: Compared to whom?
Chise: A monkey.
Masi: ...does this monkey know how to use a calculator?
Chise: I'll pay you to do an online intro chemistry class for me over the summer.
Masi: I'm in.

Those two classes, plus the four I'm signed up for... should be an interesting summer.

"Prince Charming"

2009-04-11T02:35:53Z

Masi: See, this is the problem with relationships these days. Each woman has their own image of perfect that they try to mold their significant other into. It bothers me that rather than looking at a man and liking what they see, they look at a man and search for his "perfect potential". Whilst that not seem like such a bad thing, it really is!

My last girlfriend was one of a kind. She really loved me for who I was, not for who she would like me to be. And even though I enjoyed that, it kinda ruins my rants on the female gender when one of my last companions does not fit the stereotype I write about.

If there are more women like her why don't they show their face? I think this is an age issue... something I have to be older to comprehend. That's always been the case in the past.

ese_2 @ 2009-03-16T08:17:00

2009-03-16T12:23:32Z

Masi: Spring break is over, now its time to step back into a whole different lifestyle. I'm kind of glad its over with though. Being recently single I get a little insecure, and when I'm drunk, I feel the need to look for female companionship. I tend to do things that are very uncharacteristic of myself and it scares me.

I knew there was a reason for my sub-par hand-eye coordination.

2009-03-10T00:30:13Z

Masi: So... I'm developing a lazy eye. No joke. Now ain't that about a bitch? I've got an eye doctor appointment tomorrow. Cross your eyes for me.

Thats what she said.

2009-03-03T05:38:46Z

Masi: I can do this forever.

Changes

2009-02-06T16:17:38Z

Masi: I've become a very opinionated person. Not quite sure if I like it.